#Slight Pause

Sorry about that slight pause in between stories… Long story short…. The last month has gone something like this:

Ibiza – Crying on the Plane – London – Flat Hunt – Job Hunt – Wearing 4 Layers of Clothes – Missing Ibiza. The End.

Let me fill in some blanks…. Well I almost didn’t make my flight from Ibiza to London!….

My last 2 days in Spain and I spent them on the island Formentera with my Ibiza Crush (His idea too…’Start spreading the news’)…. Formentera is breathtakingly beautiful. It is a tranquil island getaway only accessible by boat just half an hour from Ibiza, as soon as you step onto the island peacefulness and relaxation smack you in the face….. You really can’t believe this place exists so close to the crazy beautiful madness of Ibiza…..

Formentera is known for its beaches that are only accessible by car or bicycle…. You can walk but will take you a while so we jump in a taxi & head…..The beach is beautiful and the water goes for as far as the eyes can see, the sand is soft and the water is crystal clear with the nudist’s frolicking about doing some kind of naked water acrobatics that maybe shouldn’t be done naked……or at least not in public!……After the magical sunset and in the background what looked like a naked game of ‘tip you’re it’ it started to get a bit cooler and the beers had run out so we decide to head back to the hotel only to realise that we are slightly stranded at the beach with no car or bicycle….. Looks like we are going to have to walk….. We start dragging our feet really not wanting to walk when a car pulls up, it’s an older Italian couple that don’t speak much English and motion for us to get into their car…… They don’t look like serial killers and saves us walking and a possible 20-euro taxi fare…. Why not, I guess sometimes you can depend on the kindness of strangers….. Back to the hotel for the night and spend the whole next day lazing in the sun – Pure bliss!

Arriving back to Ibiza for my last night well relaxed – it was time to party!….. And party we did….. My flight was at midday the next day so I set my alarm and as long as I made the 10am bus I was fine……… My crush and I started at Ibiza Rocks to see a band called the Brand New Heavies, I know we ended the night at a Spanish club and in between all that was some West End action, I finally got my monkey ‘Bubbles’ and many tequila shots, any actual details of the night may require CCTV footage…… So falling into bed at some early hour of the morning…. A short while later in a drunken sleep haze I hear this beeping sound right in my ear…. What is that noise?…. Why is it so loud so early?….. Make it stop….. Make it stoooopppp…… Some bashing of buttons later and there we go… Silence…. And back to sleep……..

Some Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s later……

I open my eyes and launch out of bed, that wasn’t an annoying random beeping noise….. It was my alarm! It was just so foreign to me now, because I hadn’t heard it for several months…. I grab my phone searching for the time, rubbing my eyes…. No that is not the time! THAT IS NOT THE TIME!!….It can’t be….. Holy mother of I haven’t even packed yet!….. It was 9.40am. I had 20 minutes to pack… Sorry throw my whole life into a suitcase and run for the bus. I decided to gift a whole load of summer clothes and toiletries to the cleaning ladies at the hotel, I was going into Winter anyway and I knew very well that my suitcase was well and truly over the weight limit…… So much over my suit case handle snapped on the way to the bus stop…..Thank goodness I had a helping hand…..I made it to the bus with literally no seconds to spare, threw my suitcase on the bus and pretty much myself…. No time for tears just a quick ‘See ya later’ and I was on my way to the airport…….

I didn’t think that leaving Ibiza after a good 3 months of being there would have had me so emotional to leave, I thought I would be happy and ready to go….But as I sat on the plane staring out of the small window thinking of my time in Ibiza, the people I have met, the beaches, the dance floors, the hang overs….Watching the island become a small speck of land in the distance I couldn’t hold back the tears…..Why am I crying, I am a grown woman pull yourself together…… Oh yeah no sleep and probably still drunk!

Luckily waiting for me at the other end in London was my cousin Mark and a big cup of coffee…. Mark and I head out for dinner and an Ibiza debrief in Reading (Sounds like Red-ing, my new temporary home) then go for a few quiet drinks with Marks’ friends……. A dance floor or two later and I am crawling into bed at 4am!

Welcome to the UK!

#Surprise!

Whilst I had packed my bags and said Goodbye to Australia for an indefinite amount of time, my brother Matt was also on a bit of a European adventure himself…. I Facebook messaged Matt to see how he was going in Scotland as he was there the same time as my Mum and it was his first time visiting the motherland… A few hours later he replied with ‘Ooops Don’t look where this message is being sent from’…… I click on the location and up pops a map saying San Antonio Ibiza! Followed by a picture he had just taken of San Antonio……WHAT! My wee brother is literally 2 minutes away from me in Ibiza!

I am ecstatic, I cannot wait to see him….. On my way to go and meet Matt I get a phone call from Mum asking me if I had gotten my surprise yet….. The fact that my Mum kept this a secret from me for 3 days is a surprise in its self!….. I see Matt and just give him the biggest hug, it was only a day earlier that I was telling my friend Emma how I was craving a hug from someone who really knows me and here it was! Never underestimate the power of a hug.

Matt and I spent the day catching up with beers on the beach, we later met up with my Aussie mate David and headed to Cala Gracio beach for some sun and sangria with some of David’s friends…..There I am just hanging out on the beach with my brother in Ibiza 3 days before my birthday, it felt like my birthday already!….. Juliet had cooked us a massive baked dinner and I think that was the perfect ending to Matt’s first day in Ibiza as he decided he was not going to make it out with us that night….. Us girls all headed off to Booom! To see MK, Oliver $, Simon Dunmore and Shovell for Defected in the House.

Next day I take Matt & a few bottles of Sangria on the ferry to Cala Bassa beach for the day…. Now this is the life, chilling out on the beach listening to music coming from the beach bars, swimming, drinking, catching up with my brother and beach napping…. What is not to love?! And he wants to see Steve Aoki with me!

After the beach we get changed and head down to the sunset strip to just miss the sunset….. Nothing that a few beers won’t fix! We head to Café Mambos and there he is my mate Steve Aoki in the DJ booth only a few metres away it is the best place to be, it’s such an unreal vibe everybody is drinking and dancing and going nuts when Steve played his last song, it was so much fun being there with my brother! After Mambos we headed to get some food before we had arranged to meet David and Dolly to go to Pikes (Freddy Mercury’s Villa)… on the way we accidentally wandered into a bar to get drinks and free shots…. By the time we got food we were pretty wasted and by the time we met up with David & Dolly, well we were in fine form!……

The four of us wandered through the West End to head to Pikes when I walk pass a guy who was staring at me and calls out ‘Reagan’ I give him a look of do I really look like a Reagan?…. For him to then call out ‘Claire’….. I turn and say ‘Yes, do I know you?’….. He says ‘No but I think you know my friend’… and from behind him walks who I think is named ‘Delorian’, it’s still not clear but I met him when I first came to Ibiza, we had swapped numbers and planned to meet up yet I never heard from him after that –

He begins to tell me that ‘I won’t believe what happened!’….. His bag was stolen on the beach and his phone was in his bag so that is why I had never heard from him…. My natural response is ‘Oh yeah sure, that old chestnut, I was robbed excuse’….. Laughing, he asks if he can have my number again… I blame beer for this but I gave it to him against my better judgment.

David, Dolly, Matt and I head into Pikes and I have a bit of a love hate with Pikes. I love it’s history because I love Freddy Mercury and it’s the villa he used to party at, I love that you can sing karaoke in the bath tub but I never seem to want to stay there long as it’s very chilled compared to the rest of Ibiza and the best way to describe it, it is like being at a house party that you weren’t invited too…..

I then get a message from lets just call him Delorian…. Saying oh so smoothly in capital letters…not sure why he was yelling ‘I STILL WANT YOU BADLY 😉 IF THAT’S OK XX SOME SEX ON THE BEACH SOMETIME AFTER I FINISH WORK ONE DAY? WITH SOME CANDLE LIGHT AND DRINKS? XX’….. Easy Tiger! You thought my name was Reagan, maybe Reagan would have been flattered by your subtly but ummm not me!

So Matt didn’t stay long at Pikes and I knew once we did a lap he would leave because I kind of wanted to too…. I couldn’t convince him to stay not even karaoke in the bathtub could sway him, so Matt left and I stayed with David and Dolly. I’m glad I did because I fulfilled my dream of singing Beyoncé’s ‘Crazy In Love’ in the bathtub…. I can leave Pikes a happy woman!

 

#I Just Want To See Steve

I think my flat mates are over hearing me say it but I just want to see Steve Aoki. Wednesday nights he plays down at Café Mambos after the sunset for free, it’s his pre-party before playing at Pacha. Marina decided to shut me up and come with me…… Well that was the plan……

So I know the suspense is killing you… So we didn’t get to see Steve, therefore decided to make the most of our night and head out anyway. We head down to the West End to Trafik to see our good old friend Beverly to see if he is still talking to us after the threesome stand off…… Seems as though it is water under the bridge. Marina and I decide to make the most of a DJ and empty dance floor and request some old school tunes … ‘Pump up the jam’…. No surprises there, quite a few drinks and dances later we decide to move on…. Just as we are leaving the DJ calls me over and hands me a piece of paper with his number on it and says if I am around later to give him a call….. That was also made awkward by the stares the man who looks after the loos was giving me whilst mouthing ‘I love you’… I’m not sure how to take that, so I quickly leave……

Love must have been in the air tonight…. Or at least something was because I then had a random guy buy me a rose, the old Spanish man who walks around offering to take photos of you declared his undying love for me several times as I ran into through the night, ran into my ‘Looky Looky’ mate Abdul and ‘Looky Looky’ ‘I am a man from Gambia’ who decided to over share on the size of his nether regions…… Maybe it was a full moon!

Marina and I head into Hospital Bar and there are two guys wheeling around in wheel chairs, now what else is there to do in this situation but jump on one of the guys laps as he wheeled us around the bar starting a wheel chair war with the other guy…. Only in Ibiza! Next thing I’m being pushed around in a wheel chair by myself as a complete Queen Sheba, arms up in the air legs crossed drink in hand – again only in Ibiza!……. We then hit the usual hot spots, Soul City, Trance Den then ended up in Tropicana….. It was about this time I had lost Marina somewhere in between the wheel chairs and too many mojitos at the trance den I find myself sitting at the bar in Tropicana with one of the bar tenders of the trance den, I look in my wallet and I have 2 euros to my name…. I then decide well you don’t ask, you don’t get…. I ask the older Spanish bar tender what he can make me for 2 euros and he starts to make me this huge fishbowl cocktail….

5.30am rolls around and the bars are closing, I find Marina outside and we wander up to the Ship Inn….. My Ibiza Crush then meets us up there too, we were going to grab a few night caps when all of a sudden I hear screaming and I turn to see Marina is full on fisty cuffs with another girl who we later found out was a stripper….. I managed to grab Marina’s bag that had been hurled across the square and thank fully the Guardia (Civil Police) came to break it up, not that they really did much….. I got Marina and walked her in the direction of home…..Moral of this story is that the West End is intense, it’s a fun crazy place to start the night to have a few cheap drinks and a dance, Soul City is a must go to and be prepared for anything and everything….. And don’t call strippers b*tches!

 

 

#Painted Up Again

A couple of hours sleep after David’s Party I was Marina’s Body Painting Model again…. We were both feeling a bit flat, hung over whatever you want to call it so we decided to crack open a bottle of wine…… 1 bottle of wine later and I was painted, we decided to wander around San Antonio so Marina could hand out some business cards, it was a Friday so she was trying to get people for the following day going to zoo or just going out anywhere……. and having people see me painted up with what Marina can do makes such a difference and really gets peoples attention…… I didn’t plan on going out that night but I was all painted up and ready to go so why not, when in Ibiza! Plus us girls can have some of the best conversations in the bathroom, I was basically walking, talking & dancing advertising for Marina…..

Now I do love being painted up, it’s a lot of fun and Marina and I have such a good laugh plus she is very talented…. But I was feeling a bit blah, had been painted up all day, was hung over then got drunk again then sobered up, and was getting drunk again….. the last few times I had been out in the west end I was a Geisha, then a leopard with a Mohawk and now painted again so I wasn’t feeling it so to speak…..Most people would probably just go home…… but I am a trooper!

Off to Beverly’s! No not Beverly’s the swingers club but the bar where our friend Beverly works – If you are unsure why we call Ben, Beverly it’s because when we first met him he told us he goes to Beverly’s a well known swingers club in Ibiza. So we nicknamed him Beverly or Bev’s. Sitting outside his bar having a few leisurely drinks when all of a sudden a guy sits down next to me and tries to take a photo of him and I, kung-fu Marina shuts that down quick smart… I think he was shocked at her lightening reflex, turns out he was out solo for the night and really meant no harm. I sat and chatted with Gabriel who I found out was in Ibiza for a few days on holiday with a friend, he is 35, from Miami (loving the accent), lives in Belgium and works in the military, has 8 skull tattoos in total and doesn’t really drink….. I let him off with the no drinking because of the skull tattoos. We sat and chatted for ages and Miami turns to me and says ‘You are a Unicorn’…….

Naturally I think this is a fantastic pick-up line because who doesn’t want to be called a Unicorn! In any pick-up situation you have to be a little bit weary, in Ibiza you have to know that, that pick-up line has been so used it’s as worn out as Michael Jackson’s lawyer…. (Sorry MJ!)

None the less Miami was sweet and good company so he ended up partying with us, we left Beverly’s who said he was going to call me later in the night to meet up….

Now the situation with Bev is that he has said this before and never called. When I first met Beverly I thought he was gay, turns out he isn’t so we had swapped numbers to hang out and entertain the idea of selling club tickets together, 2 weeks passed and I never heard from him, only if I had seen him at his work. Marina, Bev and I all flirt harmlessly together, he gets us workers priced drinks and he is a good laugh but that is it, you’ve had my number for 2 weeks and done nothing with it so to me that is – friend zoned. So Bev tells me he is going to call me later and for us to meet at Hush a bar in the west end, I say yeah ok thinking well yeah we shall see, all good either way….

Marina, Miami and I head to Oscar’s trance den for his famous Mojitos, seriously these things are amazing!…… Then off to Tropicana across the road for a dance….. Time was getting on and eventually the West End bars closed. The 3 of us head up to the Ship Inn as it will sometimes stay open later than bars in the West End and there is Beverly inside the Ship Inn….. He sees us and starts getting upset at me for not answering my phone and telling me that he was waiting for us in Hush and how rude of me to not be there or answer his calls…… I tell him that I didn’t hear my phone, which is the truth and that I was surprised he even called me…… Then it just got weird…..

So there is Marina well and truly in the bag needing to go home, myself wanting to go home, Miami offering to walk us home and Beverly thinking well this is what Beverly was thinking…… Beverly turns to me and says ‘So in life you have options, the option to go with 1(as he pulls one of his socks up his leg) and then you have option 2’ as he attempts to pull up the other sock……. I knew what he was getting at because earlier he grabbed an eating utensil and said ‘Do you wanna fork?!’…….. I in a friendly joking way laughed him off and tried to get Marina to come with me, she wasn’t budging and was quite happy where she was. I don’t ever like to leave my friends especially girls without making sure they are safe but Marina wasn’t having it, she wasn’t coming with me….. Now I am standing in the middle of Beverly and Miami, it felt like one of those awkward as hell moments where the bachelorette has to give out the last rose except there are no roses in this story and I am still painted as a leopard….. Beverly looks at me and says ‘ I thought we were going to ride tonight?’…..With that I gave Beverly a look of ‘Are you serious?….Who says Ride?’ amongst many other thoughts…… Said good bye to Marina and grabbed Miami’s hand to walk me home…….

What I got from this situation was that Beverly has had my number for over 2 weeks and never used it, he sees me getting some male attention and all of a sudden I look shiny and new again?!…. Seriously who says ride?……

The following night I decided to stay in, and I wake up the next morning to several messages from Miami. He was saying that he saw Beverly last night and that he is the worst human being ever and will have to tell me the story in person…… I suggest Miami and I go for breakfast….. We meet up and he begins to tell me about his night.

So Miami is out in the West End and ends up in the area where I had met him near Beverly’s, he sits down and starts chatting to some girls. He said they were having great chats when Beverly comes over to the table and starts saying some very inappropriate things to Miami, I will insert some child friendly words to give you an example ‘Did you take Claire home last night and ‘ride’?’ Beverly is saying to Miami in front of his new friends…… Miami gets up and takes Beverly aside, some more words were exchanged along the lines of ‘You stole Claire from me’ says Beverly….. Miami said he was about to knock him out but told him that he didn’t want to fight with him at his work place but is more than happy to come back when he finishes and ‘sort it out’… Beverly says to Miami, well you can chat to all of my friends, pointing at security guards and other workers around him…… Miami decides to leave it and goes back to the table for the girls to say to him ‘Yeah we have to leave now’…….. I have no doubt Miami who is in the military would have knocked Beverly flat out and he would have deserved it, I was furious firstly because I wasn’t anyone’s to steal and second for ruining Miami’s night when he is just here on holiday….. Not gonna lie a teeny tiny eeeny weeeny part of me was feeling a bit special that two guys were going to get into a punch up over me, come on you can’t tell me you wouldn’t like that just a little! I would just like to add that violence is not the answer.

 

#Tonight I Shall Be Miss Bunting

It is always the nights you don’t plan to do anything when something comes up you cannot refuse.

I was all set to go for a run, come home have dinner, watch our favourite TV show ‘Infieles’ a show about 4 women that lead the most dramatic and insane lives filled with affairs and scandal followed by our other favourite show ‘Desperate Maids’ whether it is actually called that I’m not sure, it’s what we call it and it’s about Spanish maids. I haven’t watched this much TV in my life! I’m all set for my night in when Marina gets off her phone and says if I pretend to be Clare Bunting there is a possibility I can go with her tonight……

Where is she going you ask?

To Pikes. Pikes is a privately owned villa somewhere in Ibiza and you cannot pay to go, you have to be on the guest list and entry is very sought after. What makes this villa so special?…. Oh you know it was just main party place used by the front man of Queen, Freddie Mercury!…… I had heard stories about how cool this place is so if I had to pretend to be a man I was going to go.

We got dressed and headed over to the bay to Pink Panthers bar to meet Laura whom we went out with the other night, Laura’s friend Clare isn’t coming so I am taking her place. A few drinks here and we jumped into a taxi to go to the secret location, which was said to be in the middle of nowhere….. Turns out the secret location was walking distance from our house but just very tucked away you wouldn’t even know it was there. We walk up to the entrance, Laura goes first and has to show ID, Bonnie her friend is next and she also has to show ID, at this stage I am thinking OK I have to be Clare Bunting but my ID is Claire Moffat….. Do I A. Say I forgot my ID and just hope for the best, B. Say I recently got married so I haven’t had time to change my last name on my ID, C. Make up some story and try not to freak out…… I decided to stay calm, be confident, ‘Own it’ and rock it like I was Clare Bunting…… Piece of Cake! What ID!

We walk up the slate pathway and it was not what I expected at all, I think because I had been to an after party in a villa that was quite modern I expected a bigger version of that. This villa was very Spanish, you walk in and to the left there is a Porno shed where you can purchase Porn!….There is only 1 bathroom for male and female, Freddie’s bed is available for you to sit on, you walk up the hill and go into several different rooms, some rooms have DJ’s, some have bars, some have lounges, you can sing karaoke in the bathtub, the crazy piano room, a dress up room where you can take anything you want from there and wear. I am telling you it was random and such a mixed bag of people and things to do…. Be warned drinks are expensive – 12 Euro!……. Tonight the after party at Ibiza Rocks was in Pikes so usually whoever plays there will be at Pikes….. A bit of a celebrity hang out…. Tonight it was Rudimental. Now when a guy was waving at me to ‘Come get in the photo’ I just stood there with my drink and vogue thinking who are you?… and I’m not climbing over that huge log to get in a photo with a stranger……. Turns out it was Rudimental….. What a twat!…. Luckily I wasn’t the only one, Marina stood next to me thinking the same thing, that log is massive….. Bunch of twats!

We wandered around the villa a bit more and Robert one of the guys that came with us jumped on the piano and was unreal, he was belting out the tunes and of course wouldn’t seem right to not play a Queen song….. ‘Mamma Oooooo, didn’t mean to make you cry’…. The whole place was singing, it was one of those really cool moments where you are pinching yourself…..

I should mention that I LOVE Queen. If I was a teenager in the 80’s I would have been the biggest Freddie groupie, he was just incredible and I have my parents to thank for introducing me to Queen. One of my fondest memories is one night Dad and I were the only ones up having a few red wines whilst Mum and Matt slept…. A few red wines later the Queen DVD is on and we are singing, song after song…. Matt was banging on the wall telling us to ‘Shut Up’ as we turned the volume up…… I always remember and love that night with my Daddy Bear.

Anywho back to Ibiza and Freddie’s villa…… Apparently back in the day Freddy would get everyone to dress up in costume and there were dwarfs walking around carrying plates with lines of ummm sherbet……. Can you imagine the things that would have gone down in that place…. Turns out you can also go to Pikes for Sunday Lunch…. Now we know that it is right near our house, Sunday lunch is definitely on the cards.

Met some interesting characters, had a drink and a dance and was actually home before the sun came up!….. First time for everything!

 

 

 

 

 

#Stereo

So after arriving home at 8am from a random night of VIP and Moet…. Spent the next day suffering a little. A hang over can be horrendous at the best of times but in 30 degree heat come 9am, it just makes life that little bit more difficult. I had already decided I was going to have a nice relaxing night in when DJ Danny from Stereo bar whom I met when I first got here messaged to say his girlfriend was in town and would be great if I could meet her….. He had already told her that I was coming down to Stereo that night. Hmmm looks like that relaxing night in will have to wait. I head down to Stereo thinking, I’ll just have a few drinks and a dance then be back home relatively early…… I am certain I did not stop dancing all night, I also must have had a sign on my head that said all young kids and any freaks out there – come on down!…… I had one guy come and have a dance, you couldn’t even call it a dance really he had one hand on the ground and the other flapping in the air behind him whilst bouncing then decided to take his shirt off as some kind of peacock display yet he looked 12, an older Spanish man who was up to my waist telling me he was in love and then old mate lurking in the corner all night …….I was on fire, if they weren’t just hitting puberty they had clearly escaped from somewhere.

On the strip in the West End you get approached by a lot of PR workers for the bars, little Spanish ladies selling week old roses, Lookie Lookie men, this odd man who carries a monkey and guys who take your photo and put it on a key ring……. I was sitting outside chatting to some girls & people watching when I saw a young guy who had attempted to thread the key ring with his photo attached through his ear lobe…… Let’s just say he didn’t quite get the keyring through his ear like you would a key on a key ring and he didn’t seem to be in much pain…. For now!

5.30am and I’m feeling rather hungry after all that dancing and fending off interesting characters, I call Marina who was awake and we go and get pizza…. Collecting my pizza and the pizza guy tells me that the chef and owner likes me…. Well that just topped my night off because he looked like he had eaten all the pizzas….. Could be a good friend to have though, for any future 5.30am snacks!