#Slight Pause

Sorry about that slight pause in between stories… Long story short…. The last month has gone something like this:

Ibiza – Crying on the Plane – London – Flat Hunt – Job Hunt – Wearing 4 Layers of Clothes – Missing Ibiza. The End.

Let me fill in some blanks…. Well I almost didn’t make my flight from Ibiza to London!….

My last 2 days in Spain and I spent them on the island Formentera with my Ibiza Crush (His idea too…’Start spreading the news’)…. Formentera is breathtakingly beautiful. It is a tranquil island getaway only accessible by boat just half an hour from Ibiza, as soon as you step onto the island peacefulness and relaxation smack you in the face….. You really can’t believe this place exists so close to the crazy beautiful madness of Ibiza…..

Formentera is known for its beaches that are only accessible by car or bicycle…. You can walk but will take you a while so we jump in a taxi & head…..The beach is beautiful and the water goes for as far as the eyes can see, the sand is soft and the water is crystal clear with the nudist’s frolicking about doing some kind of naked water acrobatics that maybe shouldn’t be done naked……or at least not in public!……After the magical sunset and in the background what looked like a naked game of ‘tip you’re it’ it started to get a bit cooler and the beers had run out so we decide to head back to the hotel only to realise that we are slightly stranded at the beach with no car or bicycle….. Looks like we are going to have to walk….. We start dragging our feet really not wanting to walk when a car pulls up, it’s an older Italian couple that don’t speak much English and motion for us to get into their car…… They don’t look like serial killers and saves us walking and a possible 20-euro taxi fare…. Why not, I guess sometimes you can depend on the kindness of strangers….. Back to the hotel for the night and spend the whole next day lazing in the sun – Pure bliss!

Arriving back to Ibiza for my last night well relaxed – it was time to party!….. And party we did….. My flight was at midday the next day so I set my alarm and as long as I made the 10am bus I was fine……… My crush and I started at Ibiza Rocks to see a band called the Brand New Heavies, I know we ended the night at a Spanish club and in between all that was some West End action, I finally got my monkey ‘Bubbles’ and many tequila shots, any actual details of the night may require CCTV footage…… So falling into bed at some early hour of the morning…. A short while later in a drunken sleep haze I hear this beeping sound right in my ear…. What is that noise?…. Why is it so loud so early?….. Make it stop….. Make it stoooopppp…… Some bashing of buttons later and there we go… Silence…. And back to sleep……..

Some Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s later……

I open my eyes and launch out of bed, that wasn’t an annoying random beeping noise….. It was my alarm! It was just so foreign to me now, because I hadn’t heard it for several months…. I grab my phone searching for the time, rubbing my eyes…. No that is not the time! THAT IS NOT THE TIME!!….It can’t be….. Holy mother of I haven’t even packed yet!….. It was 9.40am. I had 20 minutes to pack… Sorry throw my whole life into a suitcase and run for the bus. I decided to gift a whole load of summer clothes and toiletries to the cleaning ladies at the hotel, I was going into Winter anyway and I knew very well that my suitcase was well and truly over the weight limit…… So much over my suit case handle snapped on the way to the bus stop…..Thank goodness I had a helping hand…..I made it to the bus with literally no seconds to spare, threw my suitcase on the bus and pretty much myself…. No time for tears just a quick ‘See ya later’ and I was on my way to the airport…….

I didn’t think that leaving Ibiza after a good 3 months of being there would have had me so emotional to leave, I thought I would be happy and ready to go….But as I sat on the plane staring out of the small window thinking of my time in Ibiza, the people I have met, the beaches, the dance floors, the hang overs….Watching the island become a small speck of land in the distance I couldn’t hold back the tears…..Why am I crying, I am a grown woman pull yourself together…… Oh yeah no sleep and probably still drunk!

Luckily waiting for me at the other end in London was my cousin Mark and a big cup of coffee…. Mark and I head out for dinner and an Ibiza debrief in Reading (Sounds like Red-ing, my new temporary home) then go for a few quiet drinks with Marks’ friends……. A dance floor or two later and I am crawling into bed at 4am!

Welcome to the UK!

#From PJ’s To DJ’s

I was just having a chill night in my pj’s when my flat mate Harriet came into the room and said ‘Get ready we are going out’…… ‘You have 10 hmmm 20 minutes max to get ready’….. Ok, lucky I don’t have a whole lot of options when it comes to clothes here in Ibiza as I only brought 1 suit case, where as my flat mates brought their whole wardrobes!…… I quickly get dressed and ask where we are going….. Harriet and her work colleague Rosie met a group of guys from Essex in London and they invited us to their apartment to go out with them for the night….Why not!

Harriet and I jump on the disco bus where I spot the pizza man who apparently has a little crush on me (So I have been told, he also looks like he only eats pizza) yet I never get any free pizza or even a stale garlic bread when I’m in his shop….. Women like food just as much as men, he’s not trying very hard to woo me if this rumour is true! (Insert sarcasm)…… We get off the bus outside Pacha and cross the road to where the guys were staying at the 5 star Ibiza Gran Hotel. We walk straight in the hotel and up to the room past security, no checking for wrist bands or card to use the lifts, just straight through…… We were not in San Antonio anymore!…. The hotel is very nice, in each room there is air conditioning – Oh how I have missed thee….A bath right in the middle of the room, random but very cool and looking over the balcony out to the pool area, this was the place to be and be seen. The guys told us that this is the hotel most DJ’s and celebrities stay at when they come to Ibiza, and they had been hanging with the guys from Disclosure by the pool the other day. At an average of 350 Euro a night (My monthly rent) I guess these guys were doing alright for themselves.

After a few drinks I discovered that they were all very successful and just a group of really nice guys, there was Pete who was a DJ, Mike who Harriet was sort of seeing, TJ who I think they wanted me to see – maybe if he stood on a stack of phone books and Johnny who Rosie was sort of seeing. Johnny struck it big and won the lotto so that is where his coin came from, he also went on to tell us that he is some kind of socialite in Essex. He was telling Rosie that if we hung out with him in Essex nothing would be a problem and once we have been seen with him we would have over a thousand more Twitter followers the next day, I think he was trying to impress her and most likely uses this line to impress women….. Must be the modern version of pick-up lines, I did not get that memo ….He seemed like a nice guy anyway and all he kept saying through the night was ‘Nothing is a problem’……

And sure enough nothing was a problem, the original plan was to go to Pacha for a VIP table but they ditched that idea and we went to Space nightclub instead. It was about 3am and to get a VIP table you had to arrive slightly earlier than what we did so they were going to charge a ridiculous price *cough cough* 3000 Euro!….. Johnny went away and after a short while he came back with VIP wristbands for all of us as we were escorted to the front table in VIP… Johnny later flashed the receipt and he ended up paying 1300 Euro for the table, which included the largest bottle of Belvedere Vodka and, as many mixers as you wished plus numerous tequila shots, he didn’t even bat an eye lid it was like spare change to him……. The club was super busy that night too, so I’m not going to lie we had the best seat in the house… Just another night in the VIP, a never ending glass of alcohol, sure you can smoke in the bathroom, yeah you can dance on the table….Actually just do whatever you want!

6am and the guys wanted to leave us girls wanted to stay….. We didn’t think it was right to stay and drink the vodka without the guys who paid for it being there, so we all left and went back to the hotel….. Ah good old hind sight, we should have just stayed and drank the vodka and kept on partying as there was not much going on at the hotel and within 15 minutes of just sitting around, us girls looked at each other as if to say ‘And we left a VIP table at Space to come and sit around here because?’…..So we got a taxi back to San Antonio to party on at Es Vedra apartments.

Es Vedra workers apartments are exactly what the name suggests, apartments where workers in Ibiza stay. They are notorious for being a bit wild – sex, drugs and rock n roll styles, definitely the opposite of our Mother Teresa apartment where no parties or boys are allowed!…. Basically there will always be somewhere to party in someone’s apartment day, night, morning after, and so we did….. Harriet and I walking home at 11am wondering how we got here, if we will ever feel normal again e: Not hung over, and why we thought walking home at 11am in 30 degree heat was a good idea….

 

#Painted Up Again

A couple of hours sleep after David’s Party I was Marina’s Body Painting Model again…. We were both feeling a bit flat, hung over whatever you want to call it so we decided to crack open a bottle of wine…… 1 bottle of wine later and I was painted, we decided to wander around San Antonio so Marina could hand out some business cards, it was a Friday so she was trying to get people for the following day going to zoo or just going out anywhere……. and having people see me painted up with what Marina can do makes such a difference and really gets peoples attention…… I didn’t plan on going out that night but I was all painted up and ready to go so why not, when in Ibiza! Plus us girls can have some of the best conversations in the bathroom, I was basically walking, talking & dancing advertising for Marina…..

Now I do love being painted up, it’s a lot of fun and Marina and I have such a good laugh plus she is very talented…. But I was feeling a bit blah, had been painted up all day, was hung over then got drunk again then sobered up, and was getting drunk again….. the last few times I had been out in the west end I was a Geisha, then a leopard with a Mohawk and now painted again so I wasn’t feeling it so to speak…..Most people would probably just go home…… but I am a trooper!

Off to Beverly’s! No not Beverly’s the swingers club but the bar where our friend Beverly works – If you are unsure why we call Ben, Beverly it’s because when we first met him he told us he goes to Beverly’s a well known swingers club in Ibiza. So we nicknamed him Beverly or Bev’s. Sitting outside his bar having a few leisurely drinks when all of a sudden a guy sits down next to me and tries to take a photo of him and I, kung-fu Marina shuts that down quick smart… I think he was shocked at her lightening reflex, turns out he was out solo for the night and really meant no harm. I sat and chatted with Gabriel who I found out was in Ibiza for a few days on holiday with a friend, he is 35, from Miami (loving the accent), lives in Belgium and works in the military, has 8 skull tattoos in total and doesn’t really drink….. I let him off with the no drinking because of the skull tattoos. We sat and chatted for ages and Miami turns to me and says ‘You are a Unicorn’…….

Naturally I think this is a fantastic pick-up line because who doesn’t want to be called a Unicorn! In any pick-up situation you have to be a little bit weary, in Ibiza you have to know that, that pick-up line has been so used it’s as worn out as Michael Jackson’s lawyer…. (Sorry MJ!)

None the less Miami was sweet and good company so he ended up partying with us, we left Beverly’s who said he was going to call me later in the night to meet up….

Now the situation with Bev is that he has said this before and never called. When I first met Beverly I thought he was gay, turns out he isn’t so we had swapped numbers to hang out and entertain the idea of selling club tickets together, 2 weeks passed and I never heard from him, only if I had seen him at his work. Marina, Bev and I all flirt harmlessly together, he gets us workers priced drinks and he is a good laugh but that is it, you’ve had my number for 2 weeks and done nothing with it so to me that is – friend zoned. So Bev tells me he is going to call me later and for us to meet at Hush a bar in the west end, I say yeah ok thinking well yeah we shall see, all good either way….

Marina, Miami and I head to Oscar’s trance den for his famous Mojitos, seriously these things are amazing!…… Then off to Tropicana across the road for a dance….. Time was getting on and eventually the West End bars closed. The 3 of us head up to the Ship Inn as it will sometimes stay open later than bars in the West End and there is Beverly inside the Ship Inn….. He sees us and starts getting upset at me for not answering my phone and telling me that he was waiting for us in Hush and how rude of me to not be there or answer his calls…… I tell him that I didn’t hear my phone, which is the truth and that I was surprised he even called me…… Then it just got weird…..

So there is Marina well and truly in the bag needing to go home, myself wanting to go home, Miami offering to walk us home and Beverly thinking well this is what Beverly was thinking…… Beverly turns to me and says ‘So in life you have options, the option to go with 1(as he pulls one of his socks up his leg) and then you have option 2’ as he attempts to pull up the other sock……. I knew what he was getting at because earlier he grabbed an eating utensil and said ‘Do you wanna fork?!’…….. I in a friendly joking way laughed him off and tried to get Marina to come with me, she wasn’t budging and was quite happy where she was. I don’t ever like to leave my friends especially girls without making sure they are safe but Marina wasn’t having it, she wasn’t coming with me….. Now I am standing in the middle of Beverly and Miami, it felt like one of those awkward as hell moments where the bachelorette has to give out the last rose except there are no roses in this story and I am still painted as a leopard….. Beverly looks at me and says ‘ I thought we were going to ride tonight?’…..With that I gave Beverly a look of ‘Are you serious?….Who says Ride?’ amongst many other thoughts…… Said good bye to Marina and grabbed Miami’s hand to walk me home…….

What I got from this situation was that Beverly has had my number for over 2 weeks and never used it, he sees me getting some male attention and all of a sudden I look shiny and new again?!…. Seriously who says ride?……

The following night I decided to stay in, and I wake up the next morning to several messages from Miami. He was saying that he saw Beverly last night and that he is the worst human being ever and will have to tell me the story in person…… I suggest Miami and I go for breakfast….. We meet up and he begins to tell me about his night.

So Miami is out in the West End and ends up in the area where I had met him near Beverly’s, he sits down and starts chatting to some girls. He said they were having great chats when Beverly comes over to the table and starts saying some very inappropriate things to Miami, I will insert some child friendly words to give you an example ‘Did you take Claire home last night and ‘ride’?’ Beverly is saying to Miami in front of his new friends…… Miami gets up and takes Beverly aside, some more words were exchanged along the lines of ‘You stole Claire from me’ says Beverly….. Miami said he was about to knock him out but told him that he didn’t want to fight with him at his work place but is more than happy to come back when he finishes and ‘sort it out’… Beverly says to Miami, well you can chat to all of my friends, pointing at security guards and other workers around him…… Miami decides to leave it and goes back to the table for the girls to say to him ‘Yeah we have to leave now’…….. I have no doubt Miami who is in the military would have knocked Beverly flat out and he would have deserved it, I was furious firstly because I wasn’t anyone’s to steal and second for ruining Miami’s night when he is just here on holiday….. Not gonna lie a teeny tiny eeeny weeeny part of me was feeling a bit special that two guys were going to get into a punch up over me, come on you can’t tell me you wouldn’t like that just a little! I would just like to add that violence is not the answer.

 

#Pink Pants Party

A few hours before I met Marina and found my home for the next few months I had booked a hotel for another a week as a back up plan so I wouldn’t stress about accommodation…. Of course that would happen! I couldn’t cancel my reservation and the hotel didn’t sound too bad, air conditioning and a pool, plus it was just down the road from where I was currently staying….. There I am ready to check in and the hotel had no record of my booking, yet my they had taken the money from my account. After many a phone call and scrolling through Facebook for 2 hours to pass time, it is finally all sorted and I am checked in.

By this stage it was 5pm and all I wanted to do was eat and catch what was left of the day’s sun. I sat on the beach with my packed snacks and was just enjoying the afternoon sun, when I was approached by two guys…… Two very good-looking guys….. Wearing nothing but Hot Pink Fluro Lycra Shorts!…. They pulled them off so well I decided to hear what they had to say thinking I wonder what they are going to try to sell me….. Thing is people get approached all the time on the beach and streets mainly if you are in a big group by people selling tickets, sunglass sellers, drink sellers…I’ve even seen a girl walking around on the beach in her lacy underwear giving massages for €10, you can sell anything here!…… But being on your own I had never been approached, so two shirtless good-looking guys approach me….I was happy to hear them out…..

They weren’t selling anything! Just two fun-loving, easy-going Scottish lads, Joe and Tony, looking for people to chat too. After some fun and interesting ‘Get to know you’ conversations and them calling me the ‘Australian Beyoncé’, before I knew it I was meeting Joe and Tony at the fountain at 8pm & buying a ticket to a Paint Party….. Not gonna lie they won me over when they called me Beyoncé!

The three of us headed down to watch the sunset at Café Mambo on the sunset strip. DJ Duke Dumont was playing a free DJ set there so we thought why not catch that…. A few beers later and some dancing and we were invited into the VIP area having shots of Heirbas– the local Ibiza spirit with Duke Dumont… ‘As long as I got you baby!’

It was also at Café Mambo where we met the gorgeous Théa, French hostess and shot girl who we… sorry Tony managed to rope into joining us for the night….

Quick stop into our hotel, as we discovered we were all staying at the same one, clothes change and stock up on roadies… we headed for the Disco Bus to the 3D Paint Party at Privilege Night Club, the biggest Night club and Paint Party in the World!…… It has a capacity of 10,000 people!

Thank goodness for the roadies, should have brought more as the drinks in the clubs are €15 each (AUD $21) and water is €10… this is why everybody pre-drinks in Ibiza and heads to the clubs at 1-2am…..

The Paint Party was so much fun, we made sure we got in right amongst it on the dance floor. There was paint coming at us left, right and centre, all colours of paint blasting from canons on the sides of the dance floor, on the stage and girls with paint guns on the stage….I had paint in places I never thought I could get paint in!….. It was actually really addictive, once you were coated you just wanted to keep dancing & getting hit with paint….. I was completely soaked and wringing my hair out, it was fluro yellow!…. Matched the boys Fluro Pink Shorts that they unveiled again at the Paint Party… and Théa ended up wearing! It was just so much fun dancing and not having to care about what you looked like, because we all looked like avatars!

We pretty much stayed until the club closed, all of us falling asleep on the Disco Bus home…. I think it was the first time I have ever been cold in Ibiza, dying for a hot shower!…..How does one clean themselves when they have paint from head to toe?….. The only thing you can do…..You get in the bath fully clothed, sit down and work your way with the hose and soap…. shoes to head…. What felt like an hour later, I was finally paint free…. 7.30am, Sweet Colourful Dreams!

#Thanks Joe and Tony! Can’t wait for the Pink Pants Party Reunion xx